Hacker's ramblings

Most people just zap the spam as they come in. Typically I inspect each and every incoming one to see if there is slightest bit of interesting in it. Occasionally, if I'm lucky, there is a hijacked web sites or some sort of security mishap going on. However, most of the time I just get a good laugh because the propositions are really silly.

These are the some of the sales pitches the spammers make in attempt to lure me in:

• Congratulations as we wish to inform this email address that you have won on the on-going ASIA PACIFIC Association international promotion email lottery prize draw. In this regards, The beneficiary have been entitled to claim the sum of USD 1,000,000 ( One Million United States Dollars Only ) as cash prize.

  • Comment:
    How nice of that unknown association to arrange a lottery of $10M USD and include me in the games without first asking. Boy, I feel lucky now!

• I am Mr. David Ibe, I work with the International Standards on Auditing, I
  have seen on records, that several times people has divert your funds into their own personal accounts.
  Now I am writing to you in respect of the amount which I have been able to send to you through our International United Nations accredited and approved Diplomat, who has arrived Africa, I want you to know that the diplomat would deliver the funds which I have packaged as a diplomatic compensation to you and the amount in the consignment is £10,000,000.00 (Ten Million Great British Pounds)

  • Comment:
    This is a classic why-an-earth-did-you-pick-me -scenario: Some unknown person wants to transfer a large sum of money and I'll be getting nice slice of that. Boy, I feel so privileged to be chosen here!

• I happen to be a financial adviser and investment planner to the late president of Libya, who was killed in a gun battle in Libya on the 20th of October 2011. I have been handling most of his financial concerns and investment interests here in South Africa up to this date.
  
  I have under my management, some amount of money which the late Gaddafi had instructed me to code for re-investment for his grand children in an event he is caught or killed.
  
  We shall discuss more on this and the amount involved and the remuneration you shall receive for your efforts when I hear from you. Do get back to me.

  • Comment:
    Yet another classic: a dictator is dead and now the money needs to be transferred/invested into something. Lucky me to be involved in such a business venture! There is always something off with the written English, though.

• I am Mr.John Baker from the Office of Inspection Unit/United Nations Agency in John F.Kennedy International Airport New York USA. During my recent routine check at the Airport Storage/vault on withheld packages, I discovered an abandoned shipment that belongs to you from a Diplomat from London and Africa, when scanned it revealed an undisclosed sum of money in two Metal Trunk Boxes weighing approximately 25kg each and some people are coming after this consignment to clam it in your name.
  
  The consignment was abandoned because the Contents was not properly declared by the consignee as “MONEY” rather it was declared as personal effect to avoid interrogation and also the inability of the diplomat to pay for the INTERNATIONAL CONSIGNMENT MONEY MOVEMENT Charges Before bringing in the consignment into US and we refused to return back the consignment where it came from since, we have already received it here in USA.
  
  On my assumption, each of the box contain not less than $5 Million to $5.5Million and the consignment is still left in our Storage House here at the John F. Kennedy International Airport New York USA till date.

  • Comment:
    Oh yes! A huge sum of money was found with my name in the label. Cool! It's kinda weird, because I don't actually know any African diplomats, but still cool!

• Fund Transaction Proposal
  US$23,200,000.00 Million Transaction, for further detail's contact me via my personal e-mail

  • Comment:
    Really short one, I actually included the subject of the e-mail also. Good approach, though. Less words, less lies.

• This is a true compensation Approved from the UNITED NATION to compensate you due to maybe you has been scam before and again you may be victim of scam by wrong people who paraded them selves  on what they are not so because of this, the United Nation approved our Bank to process ATM MASTER CARD with valid cash of usd$2,000.000.00 million on your favor in order to compensate you so that if you have been scammed before this is a compensation and you will be making your withdrawals from the ATM MASTER CARD as you will be allowed in making withdrawals minimum of usd$20,000 (Twenty Thousand usd$) per a day or every 24hrs from any ATM MACHINE around you.

  • Comment:
    Whoa! United Nations is offering me free money, because somebody sent me a spam! And all that without any punctuation in it!!

• Dear Sir/Ma
  We are a financial services and advisory company based in London. Our services have been sought and retained confidentially by a top politician in one of the West-African countries with lot of Money in Cash up to USD $1 Billion (One Billion Dollars Only) for investment purposes. However, our client needs to engage services of a commodity trader, financial adviser, investment banker or a financial institution that they can transfer the funds to their possession to manage for a period of about 10 years.
  Any interested client must travel to meet the representatives of the fund owner to discuss negotiations and have an agreement with them before they release the money to them. If you are interested or can assist in handling this venture, please kindly reply me for further directives. Thanks and best regards. Thomas Bridge 

  • Comment:
    It doesn't get much Nigerian 419 than this: You need to travel to some obscure African country to receive mysterious funds. The sums have gone up, 1bn USD is a lot of dough!

This one is my absolute personal favorite:

In my search for a business partner i got your contact in google search. My client is willing to invest $10 Million to $500 million  but my client said he need a trusted partner who he can have a meeting at the point of releasing his funds.

I told my client that you have a good profile with your company which i got details about you on my search on google lookup. Can we trust you.

Can we make a plan for a long term business relationship.

Comment:
"Because my details were found in a Google lookup, I'm the most trusted partner they could find." REALLY!!?